As a child, my father was a man for me who scolded, punished and provided me financially, I received care and affection from my mother. When I turned 14, my parents divorced, I stayed with my dad. I was afraid of him and, probably, I’m still afraid. Having matured, I realized that I constantly need a relationship, I can not be one at all. I know that this comes from a relationship with my father, but maybe you can somehow solve it?
Nastya, unfortunately, I did not quite understand your question. Decide what? The fact that you always need the company is that someone is next to you? If this is a close person with whom you feel good, then this is quite natural. But if it doesn’t matter – “if only not one,” then, of course, this is another situation.
Or you lack recognition of your father, relationships and communication with him? Or you cannot recover from violence – emotional, and possibly not only? How father punished you – is it only psychologically or physically too? I think this is your questions: why it was like this
, how to live with it now, what is happening to you now.
The described sequence “scolded – fanned -made up financially” looks like constantly repeating violence cycles: at first the tension grew (“scolded”), then the outbreak and release of severe anger (“punished”), after that the stage of reassurance (“cared” or “financially provided”). This script was repeated again and again.
You could feel responsible for what is happening, take false guilt and even try to prevent increased stress. This father’s behavior is akin to emotional beating that influenced your self -esteem could lead to attacks of anxiety and depression, a sense of helplessness.
For care (ensuring life) you paid fear and, possibly, pain, that is, you were in chronic stress. If you are still afraid of your father, most likely there was no normal communication between you, dialogue. While in a traumatic situation, you unconsciously felt a constant threat of your psychological security. The situation was aggravated by the divorce of your parents and the fact that you stayed to live with your father.
It is possible that your father needed you to dominate, control, splash aggression, suppress. Therefore, there were reasons for the father to stay with you. Your sense of safety has been broken, and now you “constantly need a relationship”.
Your psyche, nervous system and, possibly, the body needs rehabilitation, so I would recommend that you have diagnosed with a psychologist, and then therapy.